Tag: funnies
member name: Lin B.
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February 02, 2009 09:12 AM EST --
THIS MAY BE THE BEST LIVING WILL YOU'VE SEEN!
I,__________ ________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should . . .
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January 18, 2009 08:25 AM EST --
An older
couple is lying in bed one morning.
They had just awakened from a good night's sleep.
He takes her hand and she responds, 'Don't touch me.'
"Why not?' he asked. . . .
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January 18, 2009 08:49 AM EST --
Many supermarkets have an automatic water mister that keeps the produce fresh. Just before it turns on, you hear the sound of distant thunder , and the misters produce the smell of fresh rain. . . .
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February 10, 2009 05:37 PM EST --
GOT STOPPED FOR SPEEDING
THE OTHER DAY
.
I THOUGHT
I COULD TALK
MY WAY OUT OF IT
UNTIL THE COP LOOKED AT
MY DOG . . .
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January 04, 2009 08:31 AM EST --
Birds of a feather flock together... and poop on your car.
When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle...it makes the neighbor's dog run . . .
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January 03, 2009 05:29 PM EST --
Last Year's Journal Entries
My resolution last year was to keep a journal -- and I did it! I kept it up the whole year. I thought you'd like to see the entries.
January: Had to . . .
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January 22, 2009 08:00 PM EST --
Oath of Office
Today, Barack Obama took the Oath of Office of the President of the United States (with some flubs in the prompts by Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts ), one of the . . .
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February 19, 2009 12:47 AM EST --
A Blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says,
"Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident."
The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing "That's . . .
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February 21, 2009 08:50 AM EST --
SIGNS OF LIFE
English sign in German cafe: "Mothers, Please Wash Your Hans Before Eating."
On a scientist's door: "Gone Fission"
Outside a hotel: "Help! . . .
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February 21, 2009 08:51 AM EST --
Jeff Gordon Fires His Entire Pit Crew
NASCAR NEWS
NASCAR driver Jeff Gordon has announced he has taken advantage of a new "Stimulus Package" program to employ inner-city . . .
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December 25, 2008 09:14 AM EST --
We live in sunny Fl, making "snow angles" in the sand, playing football in shorts, My adult children visiting from Ohio are so content with this, I am missing . . .
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January 26, 2009 07:48 AM EST --
Recieved this as an email today....
Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak -
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the . . .
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January 29, 2009 07:03 PM EST --
An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard.
I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.
He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on . . .
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February 17, 2009 01:32 PM EST --
NINE WORDS WOMEN USE
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. . . .
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February 17, 2009 01:34 PM EST --
Bottle of Wine
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy , cold Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished , but amazingly neither of them is hurt. . . .
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February 18, 2009 09:22 AM EST --
NEW ELEMENT DISCOVERED!
> Lawrence Livermore
> Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known
> to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one
> neutron, . . .
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March 02, 2009 08:15 AM EST --
Economics 101
Shortly after class, an economics student approaches his economics professor and says, "I don't understand this stimulus bill. Can you explain it to me?"
The . . .
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February 28, 2009 08:28 AM EST --
I love this Doctor
Q. I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's . . .
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